The Power of Forgiveness
Introduction
What does forgiveness entail? Why is it necessary? Why is it so difficult to forgive others and forgive ourselves? What does the Bible say about our responsibility when we have wronged someone or have been wronged? Does forgiveness always lead to reconciliation with God and with others? Does forgiveness eliminate the consequences of poor choices we have made?
These are just a few of the questions this post will attempt to unpack. It includes an essay on what the Bible says about forgiveness by Brent Rinehart, a personal story by pastor RT Kendall on the freedom he experienced in forgiving someone who deeply hurt him, and a powerful video of the testimony of Johnny Chang, a former gang member, who shares how forgiveness led to healing the broken relationship with his father. Is there anyone you need to forgive?
What Does the Bible Say about Forgiveness?
By Brent Rinehart
A number of years ago, my childhood best friend and I had a falling out. It started as an issue between our respective parents that boiled over to us. We both said things we shouldn’t have, and a once close friendship vanished seemingly overnight. Eventually, we both apologized, forgiveness was granted and the wounds healed. But, the relationship was never the same.
We’ve all had situations like this. We’ve hurt someone, or someone has hurt us. It’s impossible to have a relationship between two sinners without forgiveness being a constant need. Sometimes we are the ones needing forgiveness, and sometimes we are the ones needing to forgive. Despite its prevalence in our lives, it seems that many of us have a mistaken view of forgiveness and its impact, not only spiritually and emotionally, but also physically.
Forgiveness is critical. To gain a better understanding of why, I think it’s important to remind ourselves what the Bible has to say about forgiveness:
1. All of us are in need of forgiveness.
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). From a spiritual perspective, we were all born with a sin problem, eternally separated from God. We’d be lost forever without Him intervening and offering us forgiveness. I often think about how many times I’ve messed up. Each and every time, God is there with open arms to offer forgiveness. It’s much easier to extend forgiveness to others when we consider the grace we have been shown.
2. Forgiving others is a prerequisite for our own forgiveness.
“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6: 14-15). This is a difficult verse to process. God stands ready and willing to forgive us, but asks that we extend the same forgiveness to others first. If we have resentment and bitterness in our hearts, it’s time to give it over to God. Let Him heal us and give us the ability to forgive.
3. Lack of forgiveness breaks our fellowship with God.
“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5: 23-24). The Bible is very clear that harboring bitterness in our hearts is sin. And, if we aren’t actively seeking to kill it, it will break our fellowship with God. We won’t experience everything God has to offer us.
4. We owe others forgiveness even when they don’t ask for it.
““If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.” (Matthew 18:15). How often do we hold it against someone when they haven’t apologized? When we are wronged, we expect someone to come to us and say, “I’m sorry.” Yes, that is the right thing to do, however, the Bible doesn’t place that requirement on forgiveness. God commands us to be the initiators in the transaction. We should go to our brother or sister and talk it out. It’s not an easy thing to do, but it’s critical in being able to move forward.
5. We owe forgiveness to those who don’t deserve it.
In the midst of his executioners, Jesus from the cross said: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). Every time I find myself having trouble extending forgiveness to someone I’ve deemed undeserving, I think about how unworthy I am of forgiveness. Yet, God saw fit to not only love and forgive me, but also my brother who has wronged me. And since God has forgiven my brother, I am called to forgive him as well.
6. We owe others an unlimited amount of forgiveness.
“Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22). Forgiving is hard, but doing it over and over again can seem impossible. But, with God, anything is possible. Jesus is clear in this passage that there is no “final straw” that warrants us withholding our forgiveness. God doesn’t have a “final straw” for us. To be clear, this doesn’t mean allowing others to take advantage of your forgiveness. God also gave us the ability to be reasonable and make smart choices with our lives. Holding on to resentment only takes our joy, while doing no harm to the other party. We should forgive repeatedly because God commands it and He knows what’s best for our lives.
7. There are consequences for choosing not to forgive.
“And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart” (Matthew 18:34-35). God takes forgiveness seriously, and this parable is proof. If we don’t forgive others, there are consequences. It challenges me to evaluate my own heart. “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!” (Psalm 139:23).
8. Jesus, our ultimate example, practiced forgiveness.
“And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7). Jesus calls us to examine our own lives first instead of focusing on the actions of another. It’s easier to forgive others when we recognize our own shortcomings. Jesus forgives the woman, and lovingly encourages her to change her ways. Our challenge is to follow Jesus’s example and do the same.
9. God gives us the ability to forgive others.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). Forgiving can be one of the hardest things that God requires of us. But, the good news is He doesn’t command it of us and then leave us to do it on our own. He gives us Jesus as an example. And, He gives us the power, through the Holy Spirit.
10. After forgiveness, comes love – even if forgetting isn’t possible.
“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). Sometimes things happen in our lives that we just cannot forget, even if we are able to forgive. While we may not be able to erase our memory, we do have control over our actions. We can love those who have wronged us after we forgive them. It’s hard to harbor ill will toward those we actively serve, love and pray for.
Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall
"During our years at Westminster Chapel, we had some hard times. And there was a moment when Louise and I were in the greatest trial our lives, something I can't tell you what it was, can't tell anybody. I was deeply hurt, and couldn't believe this could happen. What happened wasn't fair, it wasn't right, and I was angry.
An old friend from Romania, his name is Joseph, happened to be in London. Because I knew he wouldn't tell anybody, I decided I would tell Joseph what happened, what "they" did. And if I'm honest, the reason I told Joseph is that he'd put his arm around me and say, "R.T., you ought to be angry. Get it out of your system." That's what I was hoping he would say.
He just said, "Anything more?" "No, that's it. That's it." I wasn't prepared for what followed. If I could narrow 25 years in London down to 15 minutes, it's when Joseph Tsung looked at me and said, "R.T., you must totally forgive them. For until you totally forgive them, you will be in chains. Release them and you will be released." Nobody had ever talked to me like that in my life. Faithful are the wounds of a friend.
I said, "Joseph, I can't." He said, "You can and you must." It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and almost certainly the hardest thing anybody has to do, because when you have to say to God, "I forgive them," and then ask God to bless them, you set them free. You let them off the hook. You kiss vengeance goodbye. You kiss vindication goodbye. And you just set them free. I'll tell you what, it is the most emancipating thing in the world. It changed my life.
That was the darkest hour Louise and I had ever gone through, the darkest moment. I can now tell you, it was the best thing that ever happened to us and so much has happened to us as a result. My life changed. My ministry changed. People say, "How come you've written all those books?" They think it's my brain or my education. None of those, it's the anointing of the spirit that has come upon me since I have set people free.
And anytime I think I have a right to be angry, I give it up, and I bless them, and ask God to bless them. I have a prayer list of people I pray for. They don't know they're being prayed for, won't know until they get to heaven, maybe, they don't know then. I don't care, but I pray for anybody who has hurt me, or I feel has been unfair, whatever. I just pray for them. You get such a good feeling. And the blessing of the Holy Spirit is compounded.
People who hold a grudge, want vengeance, can't forgive, they do injury to themselves. It can lead to arthritis, kidney disease, high blood pressure. I'm not saying that if anybody has these this is the reason, but it could be. And what happens is, when you forgive them, sometimes the physiological process that got you into that ill health can be reversed. People can actually be healed by total forgiveness. The advantages are so wonderful."