The Pain of a Parent
Introduction
In a world where we frequently encounter negativity and hostility, God’s Word encourages us to respond to evil with good. This is a challenging but rewarding principle that empowers us to rise above the hurt and seek Christ’s teaching and example on how we should live. As we embrace biblical wisdom, we learn that treating others with kindness, even those who may wish us harm, transforms not only our lives but often theirs as well. By choosing to act in love we free ourselves from bitterness and resentment that can hold us hostage. We gain strength when we trust that God sees all things and is working both for our good and for His glory.
This post contains a heart-wrenching commentary titled “The Pain of a Parent” written by Suzanne Bowdey, six days after Charlie Kirk was killed. In it she acknowledges not only the pain experienced by the family of Charlie Kirk, but also the isolated pain of the family of the alleged shooter and all families who suffer as a result of a senseless action by their child. The post concludes with Scripture about regrettable acts committed by Moses, David, and Saul along with words of Jesus, Paul, and Peter about how Christ followers should act toward those who oppose them.
In every situation, may we be reminded of Paul’s exhortation to the Ephesians to speak the truth in love, growing in every way to be more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. As we engage with those who oppose us, let’s remember we can rise above with grace, empowered by love and the assurance that God is always greater than our struggles.
Flowers Left by Neighbors on the Doorstep of the Home of Matt and Amber Robinson
Commentary by Suzanne Bowdey
Senior Writer at The Washington Stand, September 16, 2025
There are only two families on earth who understand the truly nightmarish pain of September 10. While Charlie Kirk’s wife, children, and parents bear an unspeakable grief, made all the more gut-wrenching by the violent and public way he died, there’s a couple in Utah living with another kind of anguish — the unimaginable suffering that comes when your son is responsible.
No one raises a child thinking they’ll be a killer. Like the rest of the world, Matt and Amber Robinson were probably horrified at the news of Charlie’s assassination. They must have reeled from the footage with the same revulsion and disbelief as tens of millions of Americans who were stunned at the savage way his bright light was snuffed out. And like any mom and dad of three good sons, it would have never crossed their minds that this massive manhunt would lead straight to their door.
Those were the blissful hours when the Robinsons didn’t know life was about to change; when they didn’t realize that the family they’d built was about to come crashing down. These were the moments before reporters were on their lawns, before their happy Facebook photos became headline news, before sirens showed up to take the first child they’d held in their arms away.
Parents across human history have had to walk the excruciating path of losing children, but very few have lost them this way. It’s a small club of moms and dads who know the shame and despair that a tragedy of this magnitude costs you. When it’s your own flesh and blood that the world reviles, when the little boy you taught to ride a bike and whose straight A’s you celebrated is the villain in a horror movie you never dreamed would be written, the questions screaming through a parent’s head must be a unique kind of torture. Where did we go wrong? What did we miss? Why us?
Who can imagine, in that first grainy image of the shooter, the paralyzing fear of recognizing his face — of knowing 22 years of its contours and expressions. Or turning to your wife with a look of unfathomable loss, realizing there was no going back to what was. But even then, at their darkest, most soul-crushing moment, they did the hardest thing a parent could do: they turned their son in.
Despite every instinct to protect him, to shield him from the hell he’d unleashed, Matt and Amber sacrificed in absolute selflessness. “Life is never going to be the same for them,” Susan Constantine, a human behavior expert, acknowledged somberly. “The fact that they stood up, did what was right, even as difficult as it was — their own son, their own blood, to think that their own blood was capable of carrying out such a heinous act. It has got to be a weight that none of us could ever imagine on our shoulders.”
When things are bleakest, we all turn to something. The Robinsons turned to faith, to a spiritual leader who could help them make the hardest call of their life. And in that moment, in the storm they never saw coming, they were heroes.
It wasn’t something they had time to deliberate. They would have had to act quickly, Susan insisted. That, more than anything, revealed a kind of deep moral compass and courage that some people simply don’t have in times of crisis. “It’s almost unheard of,” she wanted people to know, “but they did what was right … even though it was a son, who was unsafe, to make the citizens in that community safer.” And they did it, she stressed, knowing they would be held responsible for his actions too.
And the most distressing part, she reiterated, is that they may not deserve any of this. “As a mother, I’ve seen it firsthand,” Constantine admitted. “My own daughter was recruited into a radical ideology. These kids don’t always come from broken homes,” she admitted. “They come from great families, and once they get their hooks into wherever they got it from, generally more from the social media, the social contagion, they can be radicalized very quickly.” She paused, almost in disbelief. “It’s so mind-numbing that we’re here and that we have so many youth that are so confused and bitter and hateful and rising up, because we see a lot of this in this younger generation,” she said. “We’ve got to figure out what’s going wrong. We’ve got to fix it.”
For now, we sit in a place of brokenness, desperate for God to make sense of the long arc of tragedies we seem to keep experiencing as a nation. And for some parents, the Hales and Robinsons and Westmans, the agony runs deeper. With the whole world digging through the details of their lives — speculating where they went wrong and tearing down the privacy fences around their hurting families — the reality is that no one is probably harder on their choices than they are.
Like every parent destroyed by a son or daughter who fell away — or turned away — from the truth they were taught, these wounds are difficult to heal. They require the tender touch of a God Who understands having children who disappoint. A God Who knows what it is to tenderly care for his people, only to be betrayed again and again and again. A God Who feels the sorrow of hard hearts. “I reared children and brought them up, but they have rebelled against me” (Isaiah 1:2).
To Mark and Amber and every parent walking this lonely and gut-wrenching road, God is there. He isn’t done with Tyler, just as He isn’t done with any of us. “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6). As long as there’s breath, there’s hope. In the Lord’s hand is man’s heart, no matter how evil or lost. No matter how undone by sin.
Of course, in the fog of cameras and accusations and distress that their son was also living a secret life, it’s easy to believe that this is their fault. That Charlie died a martyr and Tyler is a monster because of what they did or didn’t do. But the whole book of Proverbs is actually about a son being told by his father, ‘I’m laying out for you two paths in life. You can choose wisdom, or you can choose folly. You can choose the harlot, or you can choose the soul’s true bride.’” Dr. Jim Newheiser writes. “The father is pleading with the son to … reject all the manifestations of foolishness and to commit himself to dine at the table of Lady Wisdom. But the whole point of Proverbs is that the son is making his own choice as he comes into adulthood.”
No one can bring back Charlie. And the world will continue to rage and grieve in equal parts that he died such a brutal, unnecessary death. But his widow, young children, parents, sister, and everyone who was close to him are surrounded by an unbroken chain of prayers ringing out from every nation. There will be presidential tributes and posthumous honors, a bigger ministry and a bigger legacy. A grateful movement will circle the Kirk family with generosity, ferocity, and tenderness — as they should.
There won’t be vigils for Matt and Amber in every time zone — or a carousel of celebrity condolences for brothers Austin and Logan. But there are signs that the tight-knit community of Washington, Utah, cares. “This family is an amazing family,” one neighbor told Fox when they saw her leaving flowers on the Robinsons’ front steps. “It’s unfortunate what happened, but the family needs our support,” she insisted.
At a Sunday’s gathering to pray for the country, a woman named Diana laid out large baskets on a table with multicolored pens and paper. Tacked to the top of one was a sign that read “Prayers for the Kirk Family,” and another right next to it, “Prayers for the Robinson Family.” As shocking as it’s been for their small town, most people can’t believe that Matt and Amber had the strength to make the “unbelievable decision” to bring their son to justice. “I’m very grateful they did that, and I have the utmost sympathy for his family,” Melissa Tate reflected. “I can’t even imagine what they’re going through right now.”
What they’re going through is the ultimate reminder of our humanness, our fallenness, our desperate need for the love and mercy of a Savior. And no matter what they or we are tempted to believe, there is no perfect home, no perfect parent, no insulation from the darkness and destruction Satan is so desperate to inflict. And so we pray. Not just for the Kirks, whose trauma and anguish are inconceivable, but for the Robinsons — who also know the heartbreak of a son never coming home, but only because he chose it.
May God, in His infinite compassion, draw near to them both.
Relevant Scripture
The Story of Moses
Acts 7:20-29 . . . (Stephen speaking to the Jewish leaders) “At that time Moses was born, and he was no ordinary child. For three months he was cared for by his family. When he was placed outside, Pharaoh’s daughter took him and brought him up as her own son. Moses was educated in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was powerful in speech and action.
“When Moses was forty years old, he decided to visit his own people, the Israelites. He saw one of them being mistreated by an Egyptian, so he went to his defense and avenged him by killing the Egyptian. Moses thought that his own people would realize that God was using him to rescue them, but they did not. The next day Moses came upon two Israelites who were fighting. He tried to reconcile them by saying, ‘Men, you are brothers; why do you want to hurt each other?’
“But the man who was mistreating the other pushed Moses aside and said, ‘Who made you ruler and judge over us? Are you thinking of killing me as you killed the Egyptian yesterday?’ When Moses heard this, he fled to Midian, where he settled as a foreigner and had two sons.
The Story of Saul (aka Paul)
Acts 7:51-8:1-3 . . . (Stephen speaking to the Jewish leaders) “You stiff-necked people! Your hearts and ears are still uncircumcised. You are just like your ancestors: You always resist the Holy Spirit! Was there ever a prophet your ancestors did not persecute? They even killed those who predicted the coming of the Righteous One. And now you have betrayed and murdered him— you who have received the law that was given through angels but have not obeyed it.”
When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.” At this they covered their ears and, yelling at the top of their voices, they all rushed at him, dragged him out of the city and began to stone him. Meanwhile, the witnesses laid their coats at the feet of a young man named Saul.
While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.
On that day a great persecution broke out against the church in Jerusalem, and all except the apostles were scattered throughout Judea and Samaria. Godly men buried Stephen and mourned deeply for him. But Saul began to destroy the church. Going from house to house, he dragged off both men and women and put them in prison.
Acts 21:27 -22:1-21 . . . When the seven days were nearly over, some Jews from the province of Asia saw Paul at the temple. They stirred up the whole crowd and seized him, shouting, “Fellow Israelites, help us! This is the man who teaches everyone everywhere against our people and our law and this place. And besides, he has brought Greeks into the temple and defiled this holy place.” (They had previously seen Trophimus the Ephesian in the city with Paul and assumed that Paul had brought him into the temple.)
The whole city was aroused, and the people came running from all directions. Seizing Paul, they dragged him from the temple, and immediately the gates were shut. While they were trying to kill him, news reached the commander of the Roman troops that the whole city of Jerusalem was in an uproar. He at once took some officers and soldiers and ran down to the crowd. When the rioters saw the commander and his soldiers, they stopped beating Paul.
The commander came up and arrested him and ordered him to be bound with two chains. Then he asked who he was and what he had done. Some in the crowd shouted one thing and some another, and since the commander could not get at the truth because of the uproar, he ordered that Paul be taken into the barracks. When Paul reached the steps, the violence of the mob was so great he had to be carried by the soldiers. The crowd that followed kept shouting, “Get rid of him!”
As the soldiers were about to take Paul into the barracks, he asked the commander, “May I say something to you?” “Do you speak Greek?” he replied. “Aren’t you the Egyptian who started a revolt and led four thousand terrorists out into the wilderness some time ago?” Paul answered, “I am a Jew, from Tarsus in Cilicia, a citizen of no ordinary city. Please let me speak to the people.”
After receiving the commander’s permission, Paul stood on the steps and motioned to the crowd. When they were all silent, he said to them in Aramaic: “Brothers and fathers, listen now to my defense.” When they heard him speak to them in Aramaic, they became very quiet.
Then Paul said: “I am a Jew, born in Tarsus of Cilicia, but brought up in this city. I studied under Gamaliel and was thoroughly trained in the law of our ancestors. I was just as zealous for God as any of you are today. I persecuted the followers of this Way to their death, arresting both men and women and throwing them into prison, as the high priest and all the Council can themselves testify. I even obtained letters from them to their associates in Damascus, and went there to bring these people as prisoners to Jerusalem to be punished.
“About noon as I came near Damascus, suddenly a bright light from heaven flashed around me. I fell to the ground and heard a voice say to me, ‘Saul! Saul! Why do you persecute me?’ “ ‘Who are you, Lord?’ I asked. “ ‘I am Jesus of Nazareth, whom you are persecuting,’ he replied. My companions saw the light, but they did not understand the voice of him who was speaking to me.
“ ‘What shall I do, Lord?’ I asked. “ ‘Get up,’ the Lord said, ‘and go into Damascus. There you will be told all that you have been assigned to do.’ My companions led me by the hand into Damascus, because the brilliance of the light had blinded me.
“A man named Ananias came to see me. He was a devout observer of the law and highly respected by all the Jews living there. He stood beside me and said, ‘Brother Saul, receive your sight!’ And at that very moment I was able to see him.
“Then he said: ‘The God of our ancestors has chosen you to know his will and to see the Righteous One and to hear words from his mouth. You will be his witness to all people of what you have seen and heard. And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins away, calling on his name.’
“When I returned to Jerusalem and was praying at the temple, I fell into a trance and saw the Lord speaking to me. ‘Quick!’ he said. ‘Leave Jerusalem immediately, because the people here will not accept your testimony about me.’
“ ‘Lord,’ I replied, ‘these people know that I went from one synagogue to another to imprison and beat those who believe in you. And when the blood of your martyr a Stephen was shed, I stood there giving my approval and guarding the clothes of those who were killing him.’ “Then the Lord said to me, ‘Go; I will send you far away to the Gentiles.’ ”
The Story of David and Uriah
2 Samuel 12:1-15 . . . Then the Lord sent (the prophet) Nathan to David. And he came to him, and said to him: “There were two men in one city, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had exceedingly many flocks and herds. But the poor man had nothing, except one little ewe lamb which he had bought and nourished; and it grew up together with him and with his children. It ate of his own food and drank from his own cup and lay in his bosom; and it was like a daughter to him. And a traveler came to the rich man, who refused to take from his own flock and from his own herd to prepare one for the wayfaring man who had come to him; but he took the poor man’s lamb and prepared it for the man who had come to him.”
So David’s anger was greatly aroused against the man, and he said to Nathan, “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this shall surely die! And he shall restore fourfold for the lamb, because he did this thing and because he had no pity.”
Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! Thus says the Lord God of Israel: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave you your master’s house and your master’s wives into your keeping, and gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if that had been too little, I also would have given you much more! Why have you despised the commandment of the Lord, to do evil in His sight? You have killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword; you have taken his wife to be your wife, and have killed him with the sword of the people of Ammon. Now therefore, the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised Me, and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.’ Thus says the Lord: ‘Behold, I will raise up adversity against you from your own house; and I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, before the sun.’ ”
So David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” And Nathan said to David, “The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die. However, because by this deed you have given great occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme, the child also who is born to you shall surely die.” Then Nathan departed to his house.
Words of Jesus
Matthew 5:21-22 . . . “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment.”
Matthew 5:43-48 . . . “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Matthew 5:9 . . . “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”
Matthew 18:7 . . . “Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come!”
Matthew 18:21-22 . . . Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
Luke 6:28 . . . “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”
Luke 23:34 . . . Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
John 15:12 . . . “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”
Words of Paul and Peter
Romans 3:21-23 . . . But now apart from the law the righteousness of God has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Romans 12:18-19 . . . “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
Galatians 6:10 . . . “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.”
1 Peter 3:9 . . . “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”
2 Peter 3:8-9 . . . But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
Ephesians 2:1-10 . . . As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 6:10-12 . . . Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.